4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
