i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
