I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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