STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i think i have two assholes
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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