I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
