My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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