Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
