I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize