my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
