talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
