I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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