She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
