I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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