I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
