I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
