and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
