Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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