Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
