Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
