She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
