He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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