Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
