I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
