I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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