Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
