If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
