She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
