Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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