hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
