My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
