yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
