yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
