I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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