My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize