I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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