I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
