he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
