So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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