This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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