Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize