Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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