I smell stomach acid.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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