I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
