my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
