In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
