pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
