Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
