you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
