due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
