So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
