Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
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