I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
be right there i have to get my cape
My vagina is officially offended.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
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