Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
