We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Drake has all the answers
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
