I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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