im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he shaved USA in his pubs
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
