my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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