My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
