Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
