Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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