New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
