dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
