I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
