Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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