We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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