Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
