I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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