just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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