Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
