wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
How does one acquire holy water?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
